The Ugly


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My birth story is inherently beautiful and while I can bask in what went right there are a lot of things that didn't go so well. There are some ugly things that I wish I could move beyond. For the most part I am pleased as punch at how perfectly things turned out in spite of it all. My babies were born alive, birthed vaginally, and have survived life outside of the womb for 8 weeks as of today. They are such a blessing. However there are things about their birth that I would take back and definitely would like to help others to avoid if I could.

On the 11 day of December as I was told to head to the hospital my doctor advised me not to go to my intended hospital as he was on call. If you've kept up with the blog you know that I switched to this Doctor at 24 weeks pregnant. Since my 24th week I visited the L&D Unit about 4 times thinking I was in labor. Often times I would wake up and trek over to the hospital without calling my doctor for fear that it would be a false alarm and that he would get annoyed with me. On my second visit to L&D I got a nice stern talking to. My doctor advised that he needed to know whatever was going on with me as he didn't want me to fall into the wrong hands. Hands that were eager to csection me, hands that were eager to allow small contractions to progress into labor, or hands that had no intention on following my birth plan. He told me to call him whenever because when he became a doctor he gave up on the idea of sleep. 

Fast forward to Labor Day. He urged me to come to the hospital where he was on call and covering for two of his colleagues. While I wasn't familiar with the hospital I knew and trusted my doctor. Registration and check in went smoothly. Our problems didn't arrive until after active labor started. Some kind of way they lost the blood that was drawn from me earlier and in the midst of contractions the nurse came and said they had to draw blood. I was highly annoyed but managed to sit still for a blood draw between my horrific back labor contractions.


After the blood draw the shift changed I got a new nurse who was down right awful. She walked into my room right after I was told that my labor was stalling. I was moaning through contractions and she came in and snatched the covers off my body to ask why I was making noise since I got an epidural. My previous nurse advised her that I actually did not have one and that I was having back labor. She proceeded to tell me that my labor stalled because I didn't put any pressure on my cervix and that I needed to sit up right. Never mind the fact that my doctor told me to labor on my left side, or that I had not eaten at all that day and that I didn't have a wink of sleep. She automatically assumed the stall was from me laying down. So she took the controls of my bed and brought me to and up right position. This position ironically caused my contractions to slow and kept my cervix from progressing for another hour. The nurse had awful bedside manner and when my doctor came in to see me sitting up he told her to lay me back down. She refused and left the room. My doctor adjusted the bed himself and my mom told the doctor she didn't like the nurse and didn't want her to come back. It was a very tense time until we got another nurse. Our newest nurse was a breath of fresh air. 

Shortly after I dilated completely and it was time to push. I was wheeled to the OR and prepped for delivery. The OR had its own team of nurses so I bid goodbye to the nurses that were in my suite. These nurses were more about getting the baby out than stroking my ego. I didn't like it during the process but I am grateful they kept me focused to get my babies out and to keep us all safe. My problem with the OR staff was them losing a gauze and the taking my perfectly healthy twins from me for four long hours. I had requested that we not be separated but somehow that request was lost in translation. This four our seperation is what I truly believe lead to Oliver's stay in the NICU. Also because they lost a gauze they immediately requested that I be xrayed to look for it. My doctor was so upset and refused to have me xrayed. Hospital policy said I had to have an xray or pelvic exam. He talked to me and we opted for the pelvic exam. Everything in me wanted to kick those nurses in the face, if you ever want to know what it's like to have a pap after giving birth to twins feel free to ask me.



After being away from me for four hours they brought Oliver back saying he hadn't eaten and I need to feed him right away. His mouth was tiny and he was tired so getting him to latch was very hard. They said his sugars were so low that he would need an IV with sugar to bring it back up. So I immediately began pumping my breast to feed him during our separation. It was honestly hard for me to enjoy time with Chauncey as my mind was constantly worried about Oliver. After pumping for the first time and not being able to get Chauncey to latch I was seen by a lactation consultant. She immediately asked if my breast were real and then proceeded to say my nipples were too big for the baby's mouth. She told me he needed to eat and I would need to supplement until his mouth grew. I gave her the crazy eyes and she left my room having provided zero help. I stayed up watching YouTube videos of various baby's latching so I could continue practicing with him. When I did get him to latch he was then too tired to eat, it was hard. I started to believe that I would be an exclusivity pumping mama and that idea was hard. 

On Oliver's second day I was praised for the milk I was bringing to him by the first shift in the nursery. When I finally got up to visit him he looked sad and lonely. I cried the hardest I ever have in my life. I felt so helpless and he looked so miserable. Later that day we were told that he was having some trouble breathing. I told the nurse I wanted to hold him and she said that he needed to stay in his bed to be soothed and avoid stress. I immediately quipped so you don't think laying on my chest will sooth him?! She was speechless as I told her to get the doctor because I wanted to hold my baby. I'm sure at this point I was perched over Oliver's bed growling at everyone who passed by my wounded cub! Sure enough the doctor returned and had Oliver placed in my arms. She told me he was hungry and he immediately rooted around my chest and he latched perfectly for the very first time. At some point during the night Oliver wasn't doing so well so he had his tummy pumped and fluids removed this sent him to the NICU. I wasn't there with him but my mom and husband were. I cried in my room holding Chauncey. They brought me pictures and he looked so sad with his tube down his throat and IV on hand. What happened to my healthy baby from the OR? The one that received a 9 and then a 10 on his APGAR?! 



The night that Oliver got his feeding tube Chauncey and I were discharged. It was a bittersweet moment, awful yet beautiful. The very next day when coming to bring him milk I passed by other mom who I chatted with by the NICU hand washing station. She introduced me to her mom as the mother to the baby that was under the blue light. Whoa?! Blue light?! Who has a baby under the blue light? Not me! So I rushed in sure enough to find that Oliver was now in his isolette under a light. I was never called or informed that jaundice had set in. I had actually been told they would take his feeding tube out that day and that he would possibly be going home if his breathing wasn't erratic. Instead he was now being held in NICU for jaundice and they were no longer sure when he would come home. I also observed him crying in his isolette that day, he was screaming at the top of his lungs but the sound was muffled. A nurse ran over staying she was about to feed him. My instincts told me he'd been ignored and had cried for a while. Afterwards i started to show to the NICU at random times to keep things interesting and to make sure my baby wasn't being neglected.


  

After 6 days of traveling back and forth to the hospital Oliver was ready to come home. I had never been so tired until I had two newborns under my roof but it was worth it to know he was safely in my care.

I continue to focus on the good things that happened on their birthday but I wish I had been able to speak up more during delivery. If you are expecting make sure you have someone to advocate for you about having your baby not transition without you. When I was busy delivering Oliver my husband and mom were trying to support me through it and it left a window of opportunity for the staff. Assign someone to baby duty. Tell them what shots you do or don't want baby to have, and where you do or don't want baby to go. Also don't be afraid to ask for a new nurse if you two don't mesh well. Liking your nurse is very important during labor. Last familiarize yourself with all the local hospitals just incase. I would also advise that your register with them, in the case of an emergency you don't want people handing you papers to fill out. It's super annoying. And do your research on hospital lactation teams. If the hospital doesn't have one that seems well establish you may want to bring in outside help. These are a few things I wish I had known before giving birth.

38 Weeks: Illegal Orange Wedges and Babies


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At 38 weeks 2 days, I woke up again after a night of "this is it" contractions to find myself still pregnant. I began to give up the hope that these babies would arrive on their own. Flashback to my 7 month of pregnancy and I was sure they were coming out any day. I didn't think I would survive the modified bedrest that my doctor ordered. My cervix was thin, I had been losing and no doubt re growing my mucus plug for weeks and I was contracting all the time but it was12 days before my due date and I was still pregnant.

My mood on December 11th was horrible. I had been seeing my doctors three times a week. I had several NSTs and Bio Physical Profiles which are ultrasounds. In addition a few pelvic exams to check my progress. All of which gave no indication on how soon the babies would get here. So as I dragged myself out of bed for yet another trip to the perinatologist. I didn't even bother with getting my bag or preparing for the chance that I could be delivering this day. 

When I got to the office my doctor and her staff all gasped! "Omgosh you're still pregnant?!" I looked at them exhausted and annoyed at the question. Pregnancy though a marvelous experience has a way of getting tiring at the end. My good friend and I speculated that the discomfort that comes along with the third trimester is a way to make you excited to meet your babies. Excited was an understatement, I was down right athirst for the face to face meeting with my babies. 

While waiting to be seen I stood in the crowded waiting room. A man offered me his seat and I declined several times. He looked at me strangely. I finally explained that I had tried everything to bring on labor now I was hoping gravity would help. Everyone in the waiting room laughed.

When I was called back the doctor hooked me up for the NST to monitor the hearts of the babies, contractions, and my bp. After a few minutes of monitoring she noticed rythmic contraction. They were about 6-7 minutes apart. When she reviewed my activity for 30 minutes she made a call to my OB saying she believed I was in labor. He told her to send me to the hospital because he was worried about me laboring at home in case things went fast. I looked at my husband in sheer amazement...was today really baby day?! The Perinatologist printed out my report from monitoring and sent it along with me to the hospital. I had no bag and no cellphone so of course this was it- what a day I tell you! There were no fireworks, no bells and whistles, and no waters breaking. It was less exciting then I had expected - but off to the hospital we went.


My sweet hubby took me to hospital and stayed with me until I got checked in. I was in a room hooked to monitors and an IV before it all started to feel real. My contractions were consistent but could be ignored if I focused on something else. I tried to stay distracted but that was hard to do without a cellphone. So I used the hospital phone to call my mom and tell her the good news. I asked if she was wearing her grandma clothes to which she replied huh?! She didn't get it so I broke it down to let her know it was baby day. My husband went home to pack my cellphone, last minute toiletries and a large Tupperware filled with cold orange slices. When he returned he also had my mom in tow. My birthing team was present and accounted for so it was time to have some babies.

After a few hours of laboring my doctor came in to check my progress and to see how I was feeling. I felt great and though I was contracting it hadn't gotten horrible yet. During my pelvic exam the doctor discovered I was at a 5. He said he wouldn't check anymore until my contractions got closer together. Cervical checks are the worst thing I've ever experience especially when you're contracting. I managed my pain with focused breathing and thoughts. I recited scriptures and said to myself open mouth open cervix. Nurses continued to offer medicine to me and asked about my pain level. I politely asked them to stop referring to it as pain and instead to call it discomfort. They looked at me like I was a mad woman and stopped offering the epidural. 

Hours later I was checked again and got to 7-8 centimeters. I was relieved to know I had progressed and felt proud to be nearing transition while still managing to be some what in control. I survived the first 8 centimeters of labor on prayer and orange slices. That's right I was tired of the stupid ice chips and I was prepared with the orange slices to have my illegal snack. I don't recommend that anyone break the rules for labor at their hospital but I need stamina and the ice chips werent providing the energy for that. As I neared transition along with feeling extremely tired I began to experience relentless back labor. 
I felt like someone was breaking me in half.  I had always read that the transition stage of labor went fast. But then my labor stalled and I was at the 7-8 for 2-3 hours. My contractions tapered off and my doctor wanted to add in the pitocin to see if we could really get things going again. He gave me pit and I was up to a 24 before things were really ugly. At this point I was begging for an epidural, the Epi was a fail because contractions came every few seconds and I couldn't sit still for the anesthesiologist, he couldn't even numb me which he tried to do three times. I was in so much pain that I was mean to everyone. I had the most amazing nurse Sylvia who catered to my every need and tried to rub my head and arms. My lowest score for the five love languages test is physical touch. So it was no surprise to me that I got annoyed when people would rub me while I was experiencing contractions. 


As labor progressed I was so thirsty and they began monitoring my ice intake because I was asking so frequently. I determined that the shortage of ice and the ban on water meant it was time to whip out the orange slices. I told my husband to quickly bring me a few wedges and I downed them as my last saving grace to energy I needed to birth these babies. My doctor arrived again and checked me and I was at an 8. He told me he could break my water and see if that would bang out enough contractions to get me to 10. I was so delirious from the pain I neither agree nor disagreed. I was in so much pain I was begging for a csection. I asked my husband and my Mom to tell the doctor. I asked the doctor and he came over to talk to me but my mom took him to the side. After that he avoided me for the rest of the night. My doctor was so attentive compared to most doctors, he never left my side. Whenever I thought he was gone he was only outside the door monitoring my contractions or a few feet away from me in my room reviewing the monitors there. The pain seem to increase steadily and I began to give up with each contraction. Every time I felt a contraction I cried to my mom for a csection. She told me that I could do it and reminded me that I didn't want the csection but honestly I wasn't listening. The pain was so unbearable. Two hours later the doctor finally came back it was about 9:40am he said I was complete. I was then wheeled from the comfort of my labor and delivery room to the OR to prep for delivery.

They put me on the tiniest bed that my pregnant body could could fit on. I was super uncomfortable and my back labor was even worst laying flat. There were about 20 people in the room without my mom and husband who they made change into sterile suits while they prepped. They didn't let them come in until they had me all hooked up. When they did come in I could barely recognize them in the scrubs. The only person whose face I could see entirely was the doctor's.  I labored there for a while waiting for some good strong pushing contractions. Within minutes I felt the urge to push, so we started the pushing. I felt like the quarter back who just caught the ball in the last five minutes of the game. Everyone was shouting my name and telling me to go as I pushed with all my might. They would count and tell me to give it another push and I would stop saying I couldn't. The labor wore me out and I really just wanted to sleep but everyone kept telling me how close the baby was. As I tried to push Chauncey out Oliver went higher in my ribs causing me pain and making it difficult to breath. Finally after 20 minutes of pushing and perineal massage I reached down and could feel him crowning. The burning sensation was something no one had told me about but my body naturally pushed passed the pain to find some relief. Two minutes later Chauncey was born. I asked what is it and the doctor held him up. As if they planned it everyone shouted boy! I'll never forget that moment. They placed him on my chest and I cried. His big almond shaped dark brown eyes pierced my soul. It was love at first sight. He cried a little and looked at me - it was incredible. 

It wasn't long before they took him to check him out and gently reminded me that I had another baby to get out. For a moment I felt relieved and forgot this wasn't over. My doctor had them check the second baby's position via ultrasound. The scan revealed the second baby was head down and on the left side of my belly.

Shortly after my cervix was checked and my doctor discovered that within minutes it had closed to a seven and the baby was still really high up. I began to worry about a double whammy, in the birthing world that's where a multiples mama has a csection after a vaginal birth. After seeing the panic on my face the doctor assured me it was normal and that we had time to wait since the baby's water hadn't been broken. Since my labor had been augmented as little as possible we were able to let some things progress on their own without worry of time constraints. So we waited and I was given more pitocin to help bring on more contractions. According to their birth times it took an hour plus before I was ready to push again. For me it seemed like more than two hours. My back, legs and ribs were hurting me - I was feeling extreme discomfort because I couldn't turn to my side to labor. Finally I was checked and was told I was complete again - thank God for 10 centimeters. I pushed as hard as I could with each contraction and rested when it was too much to handle. The staff and doctor counted down with me and I noticed that they wanted me to push longer because they were counting slower and slower. I yelled to them I needed a break and refused to push at every contraction. The pain was great but I knew this was the end. I mustered up strength and gave it my all, with my last push Oliver's water broke and splashed all over the doctor and he came shooting out immediately after. My relief was real this time I cried as they put him on my chest. I was relieved to know that the worst of the labor was over and my two beautiful babies had made it out safely, and vaginally as I prayed.

Oliver's cry lit up the room. I held him close to my chest as the nurses tried to peel him away. I wanted to savor that moment and they let me have it. It was revealed that I had another son. My heart used to ache for a daughter when I was pregnant but in all of this I was reminded of when I ached for any child. When did I become so choosy? In that moment as I thought of my two sons I knew God has given my husband and I exactly what we needed. As I looked at their faces I couldn't even picture a little girl. I was now a mother to two boys. Two precious little guys that were all mine.


As I laid on the table to deliver the placenta happiness flooded my body. I could not believe that I had two sons. December 12th was a beautiful morning and I was so glad the babies decided to join us when they did. We experienced a difficult few days afterward and I will share more about that in another post but even that couldn't overshadow the joy of their births.  I am also so grateful for my husband and mother who both encouraged me to follow the plans God had for this delivery. When I felt like I was ready to throw in the towel they helped me to push pass the hardest moments of my labor, which were no doubt the hardest moment of my life. I prayed for a full term pregnancy, a vaginal delivery, healthy babies and the Lord honored my request. 

Thank you all for checking in on me and for supporting and praying for us through this time. We are sure your prayers got us through. Please continue to check back in on us as I plan to blog more when the babes and I get settled into a routine. Until then keep up with us on Instagram by following @nerdandbabes.



37 Weeks: You've Been Served


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Dear Babies,

Okay here's the deal. I'm done playing nice with you. You don't pay rent and you eat all my food. Not to mention you are really nosey and I know you're listening to all my private business. This is your official eviction notice.

Eviction proceedings have started. Your Daddy and I have begun walking and some other fun things to get you out of your cozy two bedroom condo. We've determined that you've out stayed your welcome in my womb and we'd rather have you in our arms. So please do your last minute primping and pack your sweet little bags. We've got a whole world of family and friends waiting on your arrival. Most of all your dear Mommy lacks patience and would really like to sleep on her back again but not before staring at your sweet faces all day.

We are eager to see you and learn about you. We don't even know what your names will be yet. We've got a nice room waiting for you and cozy beds for you to sleep in. We even had our last date before your arrival. So come on don't keep us waiting, we waited 7 years already.

Love Always,
Mommy & Daddy

36 Weeks: Whoa


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We are just 2 weeks shy of full term and 4 weeks away from our due date. I'm just amazed at God and what he created this body to do. I haven't given my body much credit in the past, it's failed me numerous times. But when I became pregnant I asked God to let me see this body he created with new eyes and each day I have been more and more in awe at what it has done.

This body has contained three spirits, nourished three beings, and soon will be responsible for creating two new independent lives. Im thrilled to have been allowed to carry these babies. Im super anxious to meet them but I know my body has to get through one more hurdle, childbirth.

If I said I wasn't a little anxious about the birth part I would be lying. It's foreign to me and even when I try my hardest to imagine it my mind runs a blank. I've been contracting for a few months now but now the contractions have gotten more painful and as of my recent pelvic exam I am certain they are doing something. I keep wondering when the last hurdle will arrive and though I feel absolutely ready I am surrendering to God perfect plan. Once the babies are out they can't go back in so I'm trying mentally to prepare for that too.

This has been the most exciting time of my life. I hate feeling so eager for it to end but my one desire is to see the faces, kiss the cheeks, and cuddle the little bodies that my husband and I have created. They'll be here soon and I can't wait.

About the Pregnancy:

How I'm Feeling? Large and stuffed. Waddling like a penguin.

How far along? 36 weeks, measuring 44 weeks.

Babies are the size of:  A papaya.

Total weight gain: I've requested not to know. I'm eating healthy and believing my body will gain what it needs to feed our babies. New doctor made no comments about my weight. Love him even more!

Maternity clothes?  Yes.

Stretch marks?  Yes, but I am totally okay with them and wearing them with pride.

Sleep: No sleep, no naps...don't know how I'm surviving.

Exercise: kick starting December with a long walk. Going to walk these babes out.

Miss Anything: digesting my food.

Movement: Yes, constant baby judo and tidal waves...hiccups.

Food cravings: Cranberry juice, OJ and water. I'm soooo thirsty these days.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating too much too fast.

Belly Button In or Out: pretty much as out as it will be, you can see it through my shirt now.

Rings On or Off: On.

Labor Signs: Contractions, constant nausea and I am dilated to 3 centimeters. Come on babies.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Looking forward to: Giving birth!




35 Weeks: Who's Your Daddy?


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Dear Babies,


You're probably wondering about that voice that talks to you every morning. Or maybe you're curious about those strong hands that gently massage oil on your home at bedtime. That's the voice and hands of your Daddy.

You're not going to meet him at who he is today but let me tell you a little about who he was before you were born.

Your Daddy is my bestfriend. We met at Publix, a grocery store in Florida. He loves playing guitar, soccer, and an occasional video game. He's a really hard worker and can fix just about anything that breaks. He's super calm and nothing really worries him now, I'm not sure how that'll change once you are born though. Your Daddy is gentle and slow to anger. He's very respectful to everyone yet strong and assertive when he needs to be. Your Daddy loves me and I know he'll love you with all he has to give.

Your Daddy is the most caring man I know. Today after he made us breakfast I got sick to my stomach and puked it all up. I've only gotten sick a handful of times in this last trimester of carrying you two and your Daddy is usually at work. Today he was here and cleaned up after our mess. He also made us more breakfast and gave us liquids to keep away pesky contractions. He didn't even flinch and helped without being prompted. If you ever get sick, you'll be in good hands your Daddy will take good care of you.

If it's not apparent to you yet, your Daddy loves you. He works hard daily to provide for all the needs I have and your needs that we can foresee. Your Daddy loves the Lord is already excited to share his truths with you. Your Daddy calls to check on us daily and ask me to send picture of my belly often to make sure you are okay.

I'd say you babes are blessed because your Daddy is simply amazing. You can thank me for marrying him later. 

Love,
Mommy

34 Weeks: Still Alive Still Pregnant


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I know it's been a while since I updated you all with the happenings of life. Please forgive me for this hiatus as it was unplanned. I am currently experiencing what the books like to call nesting, the urge came over me like a hurricane and I am scrambling to get so many things done. We are now into the single digit weeks of expecting the twins and it's slightly overwhelming.



In all honesty the news we received in the second trimester really pumped the breaks on my excitement in preparing for the babies. Yes I'm faith lead, yes I believe in the power of Christ but I am also human. I struggled to find my footing and to enjoy preparing for my babies, that coupled with my husbands work schedule left us at a screeching halt on the nursery planning. I felt like I couldn't allow myself to dream or get excited because I didn't know what that news really meant for our family. As the weeks/months went on I was finally able to push past those feelings. I saw so much tragedy and it opened my eyes to the fact that I should savor these moments. So today as I type this I am switching between pages on etsy and doodling out a nursery design to complete their little space. 

I don't know how much longer I will be pregnant and the element of surprise that comes with delivery throws me a little. I like to have solid plans and just like with planning a baby I'm sure delivery will come in God's timing. So we wait for the wonderful surprise that will be their birth. We will learn their sexes and see their faces in just a few weeks. At 34 weeks my babies are strong reaffirming with every kick, roll and swish that they are not who the doctor says they are but who our creator says they are. They fearfully and wonderfully made created in HIS image.

About the Pregnancy:

How I'm Feeling? Huge. My bones are creaking and my body aches. I thank my Heavenly Father for the experience of pregnancy. These are the aches and pains of creating life. 

How far along? 34 weeks.

Babies are the size of:  A cabbage. Weighing in at 5lbs and 5lb 1oz. That's 10lbs of baby in me already plus all the extras!

Total weight gain: I've requested not to know. I'm eating healthy and believing my body will gain what it needs to feed our babies. New doctor made no comments about my weight. Love him even more!

Maternity clothes?  Yes.

Stretch marks?  None, but skin feels like its riping. Maybe soon?!

Sleep: I hope I can sleep when the babies come.

Exercise: Swimming, soothes my achy body.

Miss Anything: Sleep and being able to sit up unassisted.

Movement: Yes, constant baby judo and tidal waves...hiccups.

Food cravings: Butternut Squash Soup, Materva, and Grapes

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating too much too fast.

Belly Button In or Out: In but definitely flattening.

Rings On or Off: On.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks....still.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy but weepy sometimes.

Looking forward to: Finishing the nursery.


31 Weeks: Grateful


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I'm just that - grateful. There has been so much heartache in the lives of so many of my friends I have nothing to express except gratitude in my own life. Sure there are things going on in my life that aren't so great but they pale in comparison to infant loss, premature childbirth, miscarriage, losing a husband in your two week wait and the hard unknowns of infertility. Yes all these horrid things have happened since the first day of October to several people I know. 

I have been wanting to run away from all the bad news I've heard. But God doesn't want us to run and hide yet to stand and bear each other's burdens. Standing in the thick of it with friends and family members through their struggles has a great way of putting perspective in your own life.

I had a few days where I found myself envying the health of my friend's twins. When she lost them I felt devastating grief for her yet gratitude in my own situation because I was reminded it could be worst. A few weeks ago a sister in our TTC community lost her husband in a car accident. Shortly after his death she found out their IVF was successful, she is pregnant. It's been on my mind to complain about how much my husband has been working and how little we see each other, but at least he comes home. This woman conceived her long awaited child who will never know it's father. She's received and lost great loves in the blink of an eye.

I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in your own life. I've done it, I do it - but being intertwined in the lives of others reminds me it's not that bad. I encourage you to look outside of your problems and gain some perspective you may see it's really not as bad as it seems. I've found great joy in holding hands both figuratively and literally with my friends as they navigate through struggles. Our relationships thrive, my friends survive, and God gets so much glory.

About the Pregnancy:

How I'm Feeling? Like a whale! Bloop bloop bloop! I wouldn't change a thing. I felt huge before but that didn't come with a reason. Right now I'm building two humans and it feels awfully good to be chunky for a purpose.  

How far along? 31 weeks.

Babies are the size of:  A pineapple.

Total weight gain: I've requested not to know. I'm eating healthy and believing my body will gain what it needs to feed our babies. New doctor made no comments about my weight. Love him even more!

Maternity clothes?  Yes.

Stretch marks?  None, but skin feels like its riping. Maybe soon?!

Sleep: No sleep, no naps...don't know how I'm surviving.

Exercise: Yes walking to the fridge and to the car before and after appointments.

Miss Anything: Eating a full plate of food and sleeping on my back.

Movement: Yes, constant baby judo and tidal waves...hiccups.

Food cravings: Orange Juice, Ice cold water, sushi....the vegan kind.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating too much too fast.

Belly Button In or Out: In but definitely flattening.

Rings On or Off: On.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks....still.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Other than a major meltdown Friday night I feel happy. Thankfully my husband forgives me and God does too.

Looking forward to: Maternity pictures that happened this past Saturday!


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