|Baby A (Not a huge size difference Baby B is zoomed)|
She said Baby A is missing an essential part of it's brain. It may be to early to see it but I have a feeling its not there. I had no time to react in tears because she moved on to the course of action immediately. She gave a diagnosis of what it would be called if it was missing, and for the sake of not receiving the diagnosis I am no longer saying those words. In two weeks she wants me to come back for another scan when the baby and it's brain will be bigger. If we still don't see what's supposed to be there we will schedule an MRI. She asked about doing an amniocentisis which I objected to before she could get out the words. She still repeated it asking me if I knew what the procedure did. I stunned her and said yes I do and I know it comes with a risk of miscarriage which I am not willing to chance. So she sent me for a non invasive prenatal screening bloodwork called the Harmony test. I should have results for that in about 10 days.
I wasn't able to process my emotions right away on Monday, but after trying for several hours to give blood for the Harmony test her words and the diagnosis began to penetrate me. I felt anger rising in me again, I said why can't I just have it easy. I've been through so much to get pregnant and I just want my babies to be healthy. Is it really so much to ask? I started to ask myself did I really want to be a mom? But it's too late. I already am a Mom. These babies are relying on me for their very existence and I am relying on God to sustain them. Long before they were placed in my womb I had worries about them. I worried if they would make it pass fertilization. If they would hit the mark on every stage after that. If they would survive genetic testing and freezing. I worried if they would settle into my empty never been pregnant womb. And you know what? They did. God brought them from small microscopic cells to tiny humans with beating hearts that are floating around in my womb. So I believe he can heal them too.
Admittedly I struggled to eat and breathe my way to Tuesday. I even delayed writing this post when my emotions were raw and while my wound was gushing red matter. I delayed writing this because I didn't want to have a pity party, and its so very easy to do with my personality. Instead I am writing this now that I have found my strength to stand while clinging to God and his healing word. I am sharing this because I need you my readers, my fellow believers, my sisters and maybe a few brothers in Christ to pray for my Baby A. I ask that you pray specfically for the baby's brain to be fully functioning and fully developed as God intended. That He would continue to knit my baby together in the seclusion of my womb. Please pray for complete healing and that the doctors would see exactly what they are supposed to see by 18 weeks. I also ask that you pray for Baby B who is in excellent health, we all know that with twins they are really in this together. Often times that means that the survival of one twin is contingent on the survival and health of the other.
I will be back at the doctor on July 28th at 3pm. I need you my prayer warriors to set your alarms and lift us up in prayer as we have our scan and daily before that. I believe in God's healing powers and I believe in the power of prayer. Please rally your friends and other prayer warriors and ask them to pray too. I hope you can do this for me. We really need you.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. James 5:16