B.O.B


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Our two embryos, hatching before transfer.

This is just something I shared on my Instagram a few days ago with a close up of our sweet little embabies.

First of all I want to thank all of you for your prayers and kind comments. Yesterday's #FET went very well, I was super emotional on the way home yesterday and had no words to say except babies are on board. God's glory makes me speechless. Seriously my husband and I have waited for this day for many years. After so many failed treatments and shame for not being able to start a family on our own we clung to God and let him take the wheel. It's been 4 years since that happened. God's timing is one of those things that you don't understand until you look back on it. So many things had to happen in our life and in our faith before we could get to this point. As we grew in Him he showed us that he would have the glory for the babies that we would have. I know the doctors helped but we know God is the first Reproductive Endocrinologist. He's been picking the best embryos since the beginning of time. Which is why we are all here. God gets all the glory from beginning to end because nothing was of our own doing. We had amazing doctors who told us to pray about decisions and nurses who were also God fearing! We also received $30k of treatments for a fraction of the cost at a clinic that's highly ranked and touted for it's lab/doctors all over the country. And yesterday we put back two perfectly graded hatching embabies! If that's not God I don't know what is! Please keep us in your prayers and know that I am praying for each of you as well!

Thank you all for your support its been truly amazing. I haven't been doing anything except baking these little babies. It'll be another week or so before I can have an official update, but for now I am PUPP pregnant until proven pregnant!!

a BIG day


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Welp, it's finally here. The day that we have dreamed of for months - our embryo transfer. I am over come with joy! The sheer fact that we made it this far and have babies waiting for us is already an absolute miracle. Honestly God has displayed so much of His glory in this process and we aren't pregnant, yet! I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received on this journey. Thank you.

A little after noon today, we will get the call that we can proceed to the clinic to pick up our sweet babies. If you are unfamiliar with the process they have to call us after the babies have thawed since they were cryopreserved for exactly one month today. It's hard to believe that all this has happened since we started this journey on January 20th.

Since starting this journey we have had:

15 Ultrasounds
14 Blood Draws
21 Injections of 4 different medicines
99 Pills, not including Prenatal Vitamins
1 Endometrial Biopsy
2 Suppositories
1 Egg Retrieval

and finally today

1 DET (Double Embryo Transfer).

I cannot wait to share the news of pregnancy with you all. Please continue to keep us lifted in your prayers. We believe that God has declared that our time to be parents is here. Once we do have a positive pregnancy test I will share the news with family first and then announce here on the blog and on Instagram.

If you would like to see a picture of the embryos please follow me on Instagram if you aren't already.

Spring.


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Thank you God for Jesus, 65 degree weather, sunshine, love, church, family and beautiful flowers. So many things are springing to life both within me and around me. I am entirely grateful. I am looking forward to new life and great purpose being revealed this spring, until that happens I am soaking in all the beauty of spring around me.



Your turn: What are you most looking forward to this spring?

This Friday I am linking up with my beautiful friend Aimee from Click.Pray.Create to bring you Find Beauty Friday. The purpose of this linkup up is to find the beauty in your life, capture it, and share it with others. Share your beauty by linking up below.




Wait Training


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As I type this post in I'm standing in line waiting. I feel like I spend most of my life waiting for something. 

Waiting to cross the street.

Waiting in line for whatever.

Waiting for cars, planes, and trains.

Waiting for dinner to be ready.

Waiting for my husband to come.

Waiting on God's direction.

Waiting to see the doctor.

Waiting to hear I'm pregnant.

Waiting to meet my baby.

Waiting to know my life's purpose.

Just waiting, waiting, waiting.



I'll be honest I never enjoy waiting, it's always been like torture for me. I haven't always been graceful about waiting either. Sometimes I could be a whiny brat, other times I could be downright rude and annoying. I feel like I spend more time waiting then anyone else because I'm much more impatient.

I have no doubt that God is working on me in the area of patience but I'm not exactly sure what he's building me up for. I am hopeful that some small part of my patience has been tried and tested for the journey that I would have to endure to get to motherhood and then another portion of that was for the actual journey of parenthood. But the rest of this wait training I can't quite wrap my brain around. I hold onto hope that God has something really really big in store for my life that's going to require a whole heap of patience.

I would be lying if I said my wait training hasn't been productive, I know it has been. God has taught me a lot about myself and who he wants me to be while I'm waiting. I've learned to be more accepting when things don't go my way. In waiting I have grown stronger in my faith and closer to God. I've learned to wait on God and to stay productive while I wait - but even with knowing all that still I don't like waiting. The bible tells us that waiting is good for us. In the book of Isaiah it says those who wait on the Lord will have renewed strength and won't grow weary. I still don't like waiting but that part is true.

If you know our story, you know that my husband and I have spent much of our marriage waiting for God to bring us a sweet baby. In the beginning of this period of waiting it was hard. I cried a lot, yelled a lot, and wanted to give up a lot. As the years went by and fertility treatments failed I became stronger, I was still waiting but I was stronger than the month before it. Now we are approaching 7 plus years on this journey and surprisingly we haven't grown weary. As we began this IVF process somehow we felt revived and excited. I am the happiest I have been in my whole life, my whole marriage, and the happiest I've ever been while waiting. I have experienced so much joy because I can feel God holding my hand and walking me through the most challenging moments along the way.

Waiting stinks but the promises of a great reward far outweigh the torment of waiting. I suppose this is only the beginning of a life of waiting. Especially once we add babies to the mix. I'll be waiting for them to be born, waiting for them to walk and talk, waiting for them to start school and to finish school, waiting for them to move out, start their lives, find love and give me grandchildren. Sounds like I have a lot more waiting ahead - I guess I better start liking it.

What I do like about waiting is knowing that I am in line with God's timing and that his supernatural blessings and power will flow over and into every crevice of my life. 

Your Turn: What are you waiting for? Are you the Saint of patience or are you impatient like me?

Consumed


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Shared this picture on Instagram today. In this photo I was 1 month old, hard to believe I looked like this 27 years ago. Looking at my own baby face made me ache for my own little babies, I know they are coming soon.
Every single time I had an idea for a blog post I would lose it before I could write it down. 10 percent of my thoughts have been focused on taking medicine, eating, showering, and making it to appointments on time. 90 percent of my mind is consumed with thoughts of babies.

I didn't want to overwhelm you my lovely readers with all my baby obsession but at the same time this is my space to get it all out. I pray you will stick with me as I transition, sort out my thoughts and as I search for my sanity. 

Pardon me if I have said it before but "this IVF process is all consuming"! Even when I want to get my mind off of it I can't because I am reminded by something or someone that I am in the midst of a cycle. I take tiny estrogen pills twice a day, a prenatal vitamin, I email my nurse almost more than I talk to my husband and soon I will be the prize winner for daily injections. This process consumes me, but more than that it invites in hope and faith that at the end little babies will be holding onto my womb for dear life.

My days and night have been filled with sweet dreams of what our babies will look like. I've been praying to God for sweet tempered babies with my button nose and their fathers eyes. Our babies are already conceived - their eye colors, hair texture and skin color have already been carefully crafted and chosen God. We have six little ones waiting to come back to their home, me.

We didn't get to do much of this baby making process the way we had hoped but we are grateful for the opportunity to see God's secret work in the light of day. We know that he will give the right embryos to us that will result in the birth of our precious babies. It's only a matter of when. Until then I spend my days browsing baby things, meditating on scriptures about babies, and praying for my precious babies to be. I know that pregnancy and motherhood will have their challenges but the sweet smile on the face of those round cheeked babies will make it all worth it.


I'm consumed by thoughts of babies.

Forbidden Beauty


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Hey loves. As I work on getting my body detoxified I am back to eating some of my favorite uncommon foods. I haven't had any of this rice since last week but it super yummy.



It's called Forbidden rice also know as black rice. The color is a little odd because black rice is not very common. It has not been dyed in anyway, but is naturally grown. Black rice is full of antioxidants and highly nutritious. I cook it similar to the way that I cook brown rice and the results are very tasty. The flavor is slightly nutty but a little sweeter compared to brown rice.

Your Turn: Have you ever had? What's the strangest food you've ever eaten?

This Friday I am linking up with my beautiful friend Aimee from Click.Pray.Create to bring you Find Beauty Friday. The purpose of this linkup up is to find the beauty in your life, capture it, and share it with others. Share your beauty by linking up below.





Hello.


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It's only been a few days since my last blog post, but it seems like it's been forever. I am finally feeling more like myself. I keep reminding myself that my body experienced surgery. No matter how short of a procedure, surgery is just that - surgery. Today I am still healing, I feel as though I'm about 85 percent of the way there. Honestly I would probably be 100% if I had not underestimated the effects of my very first surgery. I was trying too hard when all my body needed was rest.

After finally conceding to the fact that I needed to heal I rested in the bed and then graduated to the couch. Today I am sitting in a chair without a lot of cushion - that's something to celebrate.

As we move on to the next phase of our cycle I am working to get rid of the bloat and weight that I accumulated since starting this process. Unfortunately for most of us weight gain comes with the territory of IVF. You will gain weight, whether in the beginning or in the end. I gained during both parts. My body hated birth control pills and after my egg retrieval I was bloated like a blowfish.

We have a few weeks before we start the process of transferring our beautiful embryos back into my womb. So I am taking this time to reset my spirit, mind, and body.

I have started a new book by Beth Moore to help me continuing fighting my fears.

I have begun taking daily walks to get my blood flowing, it's warm enough now.

I have cut all carbs again to eat cleaner and to hopefully stabilized my weight.

I have stocked up on fresh fruits and vegetables along with nuts and seeds for snacks and meals.

The anticipation of Egg Transfer is killing me. I've always told you guys how I don't have much patience. Waiting for this has truly been a test to that, but I have waited for 7 years whats another month or so?

Your Turn: Help me eat healthy. Tell me what your favorite healthy snack is?

With that said. My lovely friend Aimee is sharing a lovely giveaway to celebrating the rebrand and relaunch of her beautiful blog. There are only a few more days to enter but it's plenty of time if you make haste.



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